Why are televisions attracted to people ?
Because, people turn them on.
Why didn't the hot-dog star in the movies?
The rolls weren't good enough.
If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
Very large hands.
What do you call a kitten drinking lemonade?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him, he's not going to come.
What did the store clerk say to the woman who asked to try on the dress in the window?
I'm sorry Ma'am, you'll have to use the dressing room.
Why did the pilot sit on her alarm clock?
She wanted to be on time.
Why did the grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?
Because she likes to rock and roll.
What did the rug say to the floor?
Don't move, I've got you covered.
How can you tell if a man is wearing an Italian suit?
It has spaghetti stains down the front.