A Panda Bear walked into a restaurant. He sat down at a table and ordered some food. When he was finished eating, he took out a gun and shot his waiter. He then left the restaurant.After the police caught up with him, they asked him why he had killed the waiter.He replied, "Look me up in the dictionary." What did the dictionary say?
When they looked up the word "Panda" in the dictionary, it stated, "Panda: Eats shoots and leaves."
You are driving a car on one big stormy night. You pass a bus station. There are three people who are waiting for the bus: One old sick lady who is dying, One doctor who saved your life before, and one lady who is someone you have been dreaming to be with. You can only take one passenger, which one will you choose?
Give the car key to the doctor, let the doctor take the old lady to the hospital and stay to wait for the bus with the lady of your dreams!
A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."
The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?
The man did exactly as he said he would and wrote "your exact weight" on the paper.
A hobo had just been kicked off the train by one of the bosses. As he made his way down a dusty side road, he noticed a saffron robed man sitting next to a campfire apparently deep in thought. A wonderful smelling stew was bubbling in a pot next to him. It had been a full day since the hobo's last meal, so he went over to the man and tapped him on the shoulder.
"I see by your robes that you are some kind of holy man," said the hobo.
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, "You speak the truth."
The hobo spoke, "I would sure like to try the stew you have on the campfire there; perhaps if I could tell you something to increase your wisdom, you will agree to share your meal."
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, "Please, you are welcome to share my meal because you have already increased my wisdom!"
What had the Zen Master learned from the hobo to increase his wisdom?
The Zen Master learned that he should find a more privace place to meditate if he doesn't want to be interrupted by every vagabond that happens by.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side than their other side. Some people believe that this is because when cats lay on their side they need insulation from the cold on the floor or ground. Which side of a cat has more hair?
If a green man lives in a green house, a purple man lives in a purple house, a blue man lives in a blue house, a yellow man lives in a yellow house, a black man lives in a black house. Who lives in a White house?
A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with the same woman, an attractive girl named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bustrip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples. Why?
A murdered is condemned to death.
He has to choose between three rooms.
The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for him?
The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.