A Panda Bear walked into a restaurant. He sat down at a table and ordered some food. When he was finished eating, he took out a gun and shot his waiter. He then left the restaurant.After the police caught up with him, they asked him why he had killed the waiter.He replied, "Look me up in the dictionary." What did the dictionary say?
When they looked up the word "Panda" in the dictionary, it stated, "Panda: Eats shoots and leaves."
You are driving a car on one big stormy night. You pass a bus station. There are three people who are waiting for the bus: One old sick lady who is dying, One doctor who saved your life before, and one lady who is someone you have been dreaming to be with. You can only take one passenger, which one will you choose?
Give the car key to the doctor, let the doctor take the old lady to the hospital and stay to wait for the bus with the lady of your dreams!
If a green man lives in a green house, a purple man lives in a purple house, a blue man lives in a blue house, a yellow man lives in a yellow house, a black man lives in a black house. Who lives in a White house?
A magician was boasting one day at how long he could hold his breath under water. His record was 6 minutes. A kid that was listening said, "that's nothing, I can stay under water for 10 minutes using no types of equipment or air pockets!" The magician told the kid if he could do that, he'd give him $10,000. The kid did it and won the money. How did he do it?
The kid filled a glass of water and held it over his head for 10 minutes.
A man came to visit at a convent while the superior mother was out of town. He left before she returned, and was careful to leave nothing behind. The nuns said nothing about his visit, so how did the superior mother figure out that a man had been there?
A hobo had just been kicked off the train by one of the bosses. As he made his way down a dusty side road, he noticed a saffron robed man sitting next to a campfire apparently deep in thought. A wonderful smelling stew was bubbling in a pot next to him. It had been a full day since the hobo's last meal, so he went over to the man and tapped him on the shoulder.
"I see by your robes that you are some kind of holy man," said the hobo.
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, "You speak the truth."
The hobo spoke, "I would sure like to try the stew you have on the campfire there; perhaps if I could tell you something to increase your wisdom, you will agree to share your meal."
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, "Please, you are welcome to share my meal because you have already increased my wisdom!"
What had the Zen Master learned from the hobo to increase his wisdom?
The Zen Master learned that he should find a more privace place to meditate if he doesn't want to be interrupted by every vagabond that happens by.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side than their other side. Some people believe that this is because when cats lay on their side they need insulation from the cold on the floor or ground. Which side of a cat has more hair?
An old man wanted to leave all of his money to one of his three sons, but he didn't know which one he should give it to. He gave each of them a few coins and told them to buy something that would be able to fill their living room. The first man bought straw, but there was not enough to fill the room. The second bought some sticks, but they still did not fill the room. The third man bought two things that filled the room, so he obtained his father's fortune. What were the two things that the man bought?
The wise son bought a candle and a box of matches. After lighting the candle, the light filled the entire room.
A woman depended on a public telephone to make her calls, but it was usually out of order. Each day she reported this to the phone company, but nothing was done. Finally she came up with a fib that she told the phone company. The phone was fixed the next day. What did she tell them?
She told them that people were making calls without having to pay.