A Panda Bear walked into a restaurant. He sat down at a table and ordered some food. When he was finished eating, he took out a gun and shot his waiter. He then left the restaurant.After the police caught up with him, they asked him why he had killed the waiter.He replied, "Look me up in the dictionary." What did the dictionary say?
When they looked up the word "Panda" in the dictionary, it stated, "Panda: Eats shoots and leaves."
A murdered is condemned to death.
He has to choose between three rooms.
The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years.
Which room is safest for him?
The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
Four jolly men sat down to play,
and played all night till break of day.
They played for gold and not for fun,
with separate scores for every one.
Yet when they came to square accounts,
they all had made quite fair amounts!
Can you the paradox explain?
If no one lost, how could all gain?
If a blue house is made out of blue bricks, a yellow house is made out of yellow bricks and a pink house is made out of pink bricks, what is a green house made of?
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side than their other side. Some people believe that this is because when cats lay on their side they need insulation from the cold on the floor or ground. Which side of a cat has more hair?
A hungry donkey was tied to a rope eight feet long. About thirty feet away there was a basket of fresh carrots. The donkey wanted to eat those carrots. How did he reach them?
A hobo had just been kicked off the train by one of the bosses. As he made his way down a dusty side road, he noticed a saffron robed man sitting next to a campfire apparently deep in thought. A wonderful smelling stew was bubbling in a pot next to him. It had been a full day since the hobo's last meal, so he went over to the man and tapped him on the shoulder.
"I see by your robes that you are some kind of holy man," said the hobo.
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, "You speak the truth."
The hobo spoke, "I would sure like to try the stew you have on the campfire there; perhaps if I could tell you something to increase your wisdom, you will agree to share your meal."
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, "Please, you are welcome to share my meal because you have already increased my wisdom!"
What had the Zen Master learned from the hobo to increase his wisdom?
The Zen Master learned that he should find a more privace place to meditate if he doesn't want to be interrupted by every vagabond that happens by.
Wednesday, Tom and Joe went to a restaurant and ate dinner.
When they were done they paid for the food and left.
But Tom and Joe didn't pay for the food. Who did?
Wednesday (the name of the third person in the group, not the day).
Two blondes were going to disneyland and came to a fork in the road. One way said highway 93 right and the other said Disneyland left. Why did the blondes go home?
Because they thought that disneyland actually left.
