A bus driver was heading down a street in Colorado. He went right past a stop sign without stopping, he turned left where there was a "no left turn" sign, and he went the wrong way on a one-way street. Then he went on the left side of the road past a cop car. Still - he didn't break any traffic laws.
He was walking...not driving.animalfunnyshort
What's the difference between a dog and a basketball player?
One drools, the other dribbles.logic
A young boy went to a Catholic school. During school he started goofing around, so the teacher called him out and sent him to the Pastor. Since this was a traditional school the boy would be spanked, but the Pastor believed in giving people a chance. He said, "If you can ask me a question about something you learned and I don't know the answer on the spot you will go free." The boy may have been lazy, but he was very witty. He asked, "What is it that you can see and I can see, usually every day, but God cannot see." The Pastor stood there, stumped. He couldn't figure it out because he strongly believed that God sees and knows all, and that there is only one God. The boy smiled and told him.
What was it?
His own equal! We see our equals everyday, but since there is one God, he cannot see someone equal to himself. crazyfunnyshort
A lemon and an orange were on a high diving board. The orange jumped off. Why didn’t the lemon?
Because it was yellow.cleanshort
You are in a room with 3 monkeys. One monkey has a banana, one has a stick, and one has nothing. Who is the smartest primate?
I drift forever with the current down these long canals they've made.
Tame, yet wild, I run elusive, multitasking to your aid.
Before I came, the world was darker. Colder, sometimes, rougher, true.
But though I might make living easy, I'm good at killing people too.
What always comes into a house through the keyhole?
A key.cleanshortwhat am I
I do not eat food. But I do enjoy a light meal every day. What am I?
A plant (photosynthesis). logic
A poor miller living with his daughter comes onto hard times and is not able to pay his rent. His evil landlord threatens to evict them unless the daughter marries him.
The daughter, not wanting to marry the landlord but fearing that her father won't be able to take being evicted, suggests the following proposition to the landlord. He will put two stones, one white and one black, into a bag in front of the rest of the townspeople. She will pick one stone out of the bag. If she picks the white stone, the landlord will forgive their debt and let them stay, but if she picks the black stone, she will marry the landlord, and her father will be evicted anyway.
The landlord agrees to the proposal. Everybody meets in the center of the town. The landlord picks up two stones to put in the bag, but the daughter notices that he secretly picked two black stones.
She is about to reveal his deception but realizes that this would embarrass him in front of the townspeople, and he would evict them. She quickly comes up with another plan. What can she do that will allow the landlord save face, while also ensuring that she and her father can stay and that she won't have to marry the landlord?
The daughter picks a stone out, keeps it in her closed hand, and proclaims "this is my stone." She then throws it to the ground, and says "look at the other stone in the bag, and if it's black, that means I picked the white stone." The landlord will reveal the other stone, which is obviously black, and the daughter will have succeeded. The landlord was never revealed as a cheater and thus was able to save face.cleanshort
I look flat, but I am deep,
Hidden realms I shelter.
Lives I take, but food I offer.
At times I am beautiful.
I can be calm, angry and turbulent.
I have no heart, but offer pleasure as well as death.
No man can own me, yet I encompass what all men must have.