A man came to visit at a convent while the superior mother was out of town. He left before she returned, and was careful to leave nothing behind. The nuns said nothing about his visit, so how did the superior mother figure out that a man had been there?
Because a toilet seat was up.crazyfunnyshort
Why do Chinese men eat more rice than Japanese men do?
There are more Chinese men than Japanese men.short
If I drink, I die. If i eat, I am fine. What am I?
A man takes a barrel that weighs 20 pounds and puts something in it. It now weighs less than 20 pounds. What did he put in the barrel?
He put a hole in the barrel to make it weigh less. cleanshort
What nuts give you a cold?
Cachoo (cashew) nuts.animalcleanfunnyshort
What has a head like a cat, feet like a cat, a tail like a cat, but isn't a cat?
What is the last thing you take off before bed?
Your feet off the floor.logic
A young boy went to a Catholic school. During school he started goofing around, so the teacher called him out and sent him to the Pastor. Since this was a traditional school the boy would be spanked, but the Pastor believed in giving people a chance. He said, "If you can ask me a question about something you learned and I don't know the answer on the spot you will go free." The boy may have been lazy, but he was very witty. He asked, "What is it that you can see and I can see, usually every day, but God cannot see." The Pastor stood there, stumped. He couldn't figure it out because he strongly believed that God sees and knows all, and that there is only one God. The boy smiled and told him.
What was it?
His own equal! We see our equals everyday, but since there is one God, he cannot see someone equal to himself. cleanshort
You are in a room with 3 monkeys. One monkey has a banana, one has a stick, and one has nothing. Who is the smartest primate?
I drift forever with the current down these long canals they've made.
Tame, yet wild, I run elusive, multitasking to your aid.
Before I came, the world was darker. Colder, sometimes, rougher, true.
But though I might make living easy, I'm good at killing people too.