Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?
If you drop me I'm sure to crack, but give me a smile and I'll always smile back.
Why is Santa so good at Karate?
Because he has a black belt.
Two workmen were repairing a roof. Suddenly, they both fell down the chimney and found themselves in the large fireplace.
One man`s face was smeared with soot and one wasn`t. The one with the clean face washed his and the dirty man did not and went back to work. Why?
When the two men looked at each other, the clean man thought his face was dirty as well. The dirty man, looking at the first's place, thought his was clean.funnyshort
If Fortune had a daughter, what would her name be?
Misfortune - (Miss Fortune).funnyshort
They are twin sisters, same height; they work in the kitchen, arm in arm. Whatever is cooked, they always try it first.
You are on your way to visit your Grandma, who lives at the end of the valley. It's her anniversary, and you want to give her the cakes you've made. Between your house and her house, you have to cross 5 bridges, and as it goes in the land of make believe, there is a troll under every bridge! Each troll, quite rightly, insists that you pay a troll toll. Before you can cross their bridge, you have to give them half of the cakes you are carrying, but as they are kind trolls, they each give you back a single cake.
How many cakes do you have to leave home with to make sure that you arrive at Grandma's with exactly 2 cakes?
At each bridge you are required to give half of your cakes, and you receive one back. Which leaves you with 2 cakes after every bridge.logic
A new student met the Zen Master after traveling hundreds of miles by yak cart. He was understandably pleased with himself for being selected to learn at the great master's feet .
The first time they formally met, the Zen Master asked, "May I ask you a simple question?" "It would be an honor!" replied the student.
"Which is greater, that which has no beginning or that which has no end?" queried the Zen Master. "Come back when you have the answer and can explain why."
After the student made many frustrated trips back with answers which the master quickly cast off with a disapproving negative nod, the Zen Master finally said, "Perhaps I should ask you another question?"
"Oh, please do!" pleaded the exasperated student.
The Zen Master then asked, "Since you do not know that, answer this much simpler riddle. When can a pebble hold back the sea?" Again the student was rebuffed time and again. Several more questions followed with the same result. Each time, the student could not find the correct answer. Finally, completely exasperated, the student began to weep, "Master, I am a complete idiot. I can not solve even the simplest riddle from you!"
Suddenly, the student stopped, sat down, and said, "I am ready for my second lesson."
What was the Zen Master's first lesson?
The student's first lesson was that in order to learn from the Zen Master, the student should be asking the questions and not the Zen Master.logicshort
What does the following represent?
N N N N N N N
A A A A A A A
C C C C C C C
7 up cans.cleanfunnylogic
A blind man walks into a hardware store to buy a hammer. There are hammers hanging behind the front desk, but obviously the blind man isn't able to see them. And yet a few minutes later, he happily walks out of the store, having just purchased a new hammer.
How did he do it?
He walks up the the front desk where the clerk is working and says "I'd like to buy a hammer."