What nuts give you a cold?
Cachoo (cashew) nuts.cleanfunnyshort
A lawyer, a plumber and a hat maker were walking down the street. Who had the biggest hat?
The one with the biggest head.animalfunnyshort
What's the difference between a dog and a basketball player?
One drools, the other dribbles.logic
A young boy went to a Catholic school. During school he started goofing around, so the teacher called him out and sent him to the Pastor. Since this was a traditional school the boy would be spanked, but the Pastor believed in giving people a chance. He said, "If you can ask me a question about something you learned and I don't know the answer on the spot you will go free." The boy may have been lazy, but he was very witty. He asked, "What is it that you can see and I can see, usually every day, but God cannot see." The Pastor stood there, stumped. He couldn't figure it out because he strongly believed that God sees and knows all, and that there is only one God. The boy smiled and told him.
What was it?
His own equal! We see our equals everyday, but since there is one God, he cannot see someone equal to himself. crazyfunnyshort
A lemon and an orange were on a high diving board. The orange jumped off. Why didn’t the lemon?
Because it was yellow.cleanshort
You are in a room with 3 monkeys. One monkey has a banana, one has a stick, and one has nothing. Who is the smartest primate?
I drift forever with the current down these long canals they've made.
Tame, yet wild, I run elusive, multitasking to your aid.
Before I came, the world was darker. Colder, sometimes, rougher, true.
But though I might make living easy, I'm good at killing people too.
Say my name and I disappear.
What always comes into a house through the keyhole?
A key.cleanshortwhat am I
I do not eat food. But I do enjoy a light meal every day. What am I?
A plant (photosynthesis).