I heard of an invading, vanquishing army sweeping across the land, liquid-quick; conquering everything, quelling resistance. With it came darkness, dimming the light. Humans hid in their houses, while outside spears pierced, shattering stones walls. Uncountable soldiers smashed into the ground, but each elicited life as he died. When the army had vanished, advancing northward, the land was gree and growing, refresh.
What has everything inside it? Everything you can imagine...even God, the wind, the world, the sky, heaven, earth and everything that comes to your mind.
The Pope, Beyonce, POTUS, and Bill Gates are on the same plane.
There are only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them.
POTUS says: "As the President, I think I should have the right to have a parachute, because I rule millions of people in the greatest nation of all."
Beyonce says: "As one of the greatest singers of all-time, I think I should deserve to be safe. I bring tears and laughter to millions of people, and I'm an important contributor to pop music."
Bill Gates says: "As one of the richest successful company owners, I think I should live because I'm on top of the economics cycle, creating jobs and incomes for millions of people. I am a wealthy and intelligent man."
Finally, the Pope says: "I'm an old, religious man. I lived a life that's full, I helped millions of people find their way through God, I'm ready to let go of a parachute and to face my fate."
Which one of them will abandon the parachute and die?
Did I ever mention that the plane was crashing? No one's gonna die.
Two blondes were going to disneyland and came to a fork in the road. One way said highway 93 right and the other said Disneyland left. Why did the blondes go home?
Because they thought that disneyland actually left.
A hobo had just been kicked off the train by one of the bosses. As he made his way down a dusty side road, he noticed a saffron robed man sitting next to a campfire apparently deep in thought. A wonderful smelling stew was bubbling in a pot next to him. It had been a full day since the hobo's last meal, so he went over to the man and tapped him on the shoulder.
"I see by your robes that you are some kind of holy man," said the hobo.
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, "You speak the truth."
The hobo spoke, "I would sure like to try the stew you have on the campfire there; perhaps if I could tell you something to increase your wisdom, you will agree to share your meal."
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, "Please, you are welcome to share my meal because you have already increased my wisdom!"
What had the Zen Master learned from the hobo to increase his wisdom?
The Zen Master learned that he should find a more privace place to meditate if he doesn't want to be interrupted by every vagabond that happens by.
A 400 yard long train, travelling at 30 mph, enters a 4.5 mile long tunnel.
How long will elapse between the moment the front of the train enters the tunnel and the moment the end of the train clears the tunnel?
There is a barrel with no lid and some wine in it.
"This barrel of wine is more than half full," said Curly.
Moe says, "No it's not. It's less than half full."
Without any measuring implements and without removing any wine from the barrel, how can they easily determine who is correct?
Tilt the barrel until the wine barely touches the lip of the barrel. If the bottom of the barrel is visible then it is less than half full. If the barrel bottom is still completely covered by the wine, then it is more than half full.
You have two jugs, one that holds exactly 3 gallons, and one that holds exactly 5 gallons. Using just these two jugs and a fire hose, how can you measure out exactly 4 gallons of water?
Fill the 5-gallon jug to the top, and then pour it into the 3-gallon jug until the 3-gallon jug is full. You now have 2 gallons remaining in the 5-gallon jug. Pour out the 3-gallon jug, and then pour the 2 gallons from the 5-gallon jug into the 3-gallon jug. Finally, fill the 5-gallon jug to the top and pour it into the 3-gallon jug until it's full. Since there was only space left for 1 more gallon in the 3-gallon jug, you now have exactly 4 gallons in the 5-gallon jug.
Today is Admin's birthday. His five close friends Nell, Edna, Harish, Hsirah and Ellen surprised him with party.
What is special with this list of these five names?
If you read the names from last to start, it reads the same.
A poor miller living with his daughter comes onto hard times and is not able to pay his rent. His evil landlord threatens to evict them unless the daughter marries him.
The daughter, not wanting to marry the landlord but fearing that her father won't be able to take being evicted, suggests the following proposition to the landlord. He will put two stones, one white and one black, into a bag in front of the rest of the townspeople. She will pick one stone out of the bag. If she picks the white stone, the landlord will forgive their debt and let them stay, but if she picks the black stone, she will marry the landlord, and her father will be evicted anyway.
The landlord agrees to the proposal. Everybody meets in the center of the town. The landlord picks up two stones to put in the bag, but the daughter notices that he secretly picked two black stones.
She is about to reveal his deception but realizes that this would embarrass him in front of the townspeople, and he would evict them. She quickly comes up with another plan. What can she do that will allow the landlord save face, while also ensuring that she and her father can stay and that she won't have to marry the landlord?
The daughter picks a stone out, keeps it in her closed hand, and proclaims "this is my stone." She then throws it to the ground, and says "look at the other stone in the bag, and if it's black, that means I picked the white stone." The landlord will reveal the other stone, which is obviously black, and the daughter will have succeeded. The landlord was never revealed as a cheater and thus was able to save face.
