Clean riddles

Wednesday, Tom and Joe went to a restaurant and ate dinner. When they were done they paid for the food and left. But Tom and Joe didn't pay for the food. Who did?

What do you call a cat crossed with a fish?

What time of day, when written in a capital letters, is the same forwards, backwards and upside down?

Count the number of times the letter "F" appears in the following paragraph: FAY FRIED FIFTY POUNDS OF SALTED FISH AND THREE POUNDS OF DRY FENNEL FOR DINNER FOR FORTY MEMBERS OF HER FATHER'S FAMILY.

Can you spot what's wrong with the following sentence? PETER WAS ANGRY AT HIMSELF BECAUSE HE ACCIDENTALLY LEFT THE THE KEYS TO HIS CAR AT HIS FRIEND'S HOUSE.

Every night I'm told what to do, and each morning I do what i'm told. But I still don't escape your scold.

It's 7:00 am. You are asleep and there is a sudden knock on the door. Behind the door are your parents, who came to have breakfast. In your fridge: bread, pasteurised milk, juice, and a jar of jam. What will you open first?

You measure my life in hours and I serve you by expiring. I'm quick when I'm thin and slow when I'm fat. The wind is my enemy.

Each morning I appear to lie at your feet. All day I will follow no matter how fast you run, yet I nearly perish in the midday sun.

I am pronounced as a one letter alphabet. I am written with three letters. I am complete with just two letters. I am double. I am blue I am black I am brown I am gray I am yellow and I am green. I can read from both ends. I appear the same every way! What am I?