A petshop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said "Parrot repeats everything it hears". Davey bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot.
How can this be?
I look flat, but I am deep,
Hidden realms I shelter.
Lives I take, but food I offer.
At times I am beautiful.
I can be calm, angry and turbulent.
I have no heart, but offer pleasure as well as death.
No man can own me, yet I encompass what all men must have.
Pete is a worker on a large ship with hundreds of other men. He is constantly making mistakes, tying ropes the wrong way, steering the ship the wrong way, and making other blunders. One time he accidentally caused the ship to get stuck in a shallow shore, causing thousands of dollars in damage.
However, when Steve, the captain of the ship, is asked about Pete, Steve says "I wish we had five men like Pete on this ship."
Why would he say this?
Unfortunately for the ship, there are dozens of men who are as inept as Pete is.
Captain Steve wishes there were FEWER men like Pete on the ship, since there are currently far more than five.
There are three houses. One is red, one is blue, and one is white. If the red house is to the left of the house in the middle, and the blue house is to the right to the house in the middle, where is the white house?
A young boy went to a Catholic school. During school he started goofing around, so the teacher called him out and sent him to the Pastor. Since this was a traditional school the boy would be spanked, but the Pastor believed in giving people a chance.
He said, "If you can ask me a question about something you learned and I don't know the answer on the spot you will go free."
The boy may have been lazy, but he was very witty. He asked, "What is it that you can see and I can see, usually every day, but God cannot see." The Pastor stood there, stumped. He couldn't figure it out because he strongly believed that God sees and knows all, and that there is only one God. The boy smiled and told him.
What was it?
His own equal! We see our equals everyday, but since there is one God, he cannot see someone equal to himself.
A woman depended on a public telephone to make her calls, but it was usually out of order. Each day she reported this to the phone company, but nothing was done. Finally she came up with a fib that she told the phone company. The phone was fixed the next day. What did she tell them?
She told them that people were making calls without having to pay.
The Smith family is a very wealthy family that lives in a big, circular home. One morning, Mr. Smith woke up and found his gardener's body. He knew it was one of his employees who had killed him. So he asked them what they were doing in the morning and he got these replies.
Driver: "I was outside washing the car."
Maid: "I was dusting the corners of the house."
Cook: "I was starting to make lunch for later."
From the replies he knew who the killer was. Can you guess who it was?
The maid, because they lived in a circular house and she was apparently "dusting the corners" of the house at the time of the murder - the house is round, therefore it has no corners.
A man while looking at a photograph said, "Brothers and sisters have I none. That man's father is my father's son."
Who was the person in the photograph?
A woman shoots her husband, then holds him under water for five minutes. A little while later, they both go out and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
She shot her husband with a camera and then developed the photo.
