A man owned a casino and invited some friends.
It was a dark stormy night, and they all placed their money on the table right before the lights went out.
When the lights came back on, the money was gone.
The owner put a rooster in an old rusty tea kettle.
He told everyone to get in line and touch the kettle after he turned the lights off, and the rooster will crow when the robber touched it.
After everyone touched it, the rooster didn't crow, so the man told everyone to hold out their hands.
After examining all the hands, he pointed out who the robber was.
How did he know who stole the money?
Because the tea kettle was rusty, whoever touched it would have rust on their hands. The robber didn't touch the kettle, therefore he was the only one whose hands weren't rusty.
A man was found dead with a cassette recorder in one hand and a gun in the other.
When the police came in, they immediately pressed the play button on the cassette.
He said "I have nothing else to live for. I can't go on," then the sound of a gunshot.
After listening to the cassette tape, the police knew that it was not a suicide, but a homicide.
How did they know?
If the man shot himself while he was recording, how did he rewind the cassette tape?
A man lives on the 44th floor of his building. On rainy days, when he gets home from work, he takes the elevator all the way up to his floor. But on sunny days, he goes up to floor 20 and walks the rest of the way. Why does he do this?
The man is a midget and cannot reach button "44" in the elevator on sunny days. On rainy days he has his umbrella with him and is able to use it to press the button.
A king has no sons, no daughters, and no queen. For this reason he must decide who will take the throne after he dies. To do this he decides that he will give all of the children of the kingdom a single seed. Whichever child has the largest, most beautiful plant will earn the throne; this being a metaphor for the kingdom.
At the end of the contest all of the children came to the palace with their enormous and beautiful plants in hand. After he looks at all of the children's pots, he finally decides that the little girl with an empty pot will be the next Queen. Why did he choose this little girl over all of the other children with their beautiful plants?
The king gave them all fake seeds and the little girl was the only honest child who didn't switch seeds.
I look flat, but I am deep,
Hidden realms I shelter.
Lives I take, but food I offer.
At times I am beautiful.
I can be calm, angry and turbulent.
I have no heart, but offer pleasure as well as death.
No man can own me, yet I encompass what all men must have.
Pete is a worker on a large ship with hundreds of other men. He is constantly making mistakes, tying ropes the wrong way, steering the ship the wrong way, and making other blunders. One time he accidentally caused the ship to get stuck in a shallow shore, causing thousands of dollars in damage.
However, when Steve, the captain of the ship, is asked about Pete, Steve says "I wish we had five men like Pete on this ship."
Why would he say this?
Unfortunately for the ship, there are dozens of men who are as inept as Pete is.
Captain Steve wishes there were FEWER men like Pete on the ship, since there are currently far more than five.